Standing Room Only
By Jerri Phillips

By Jerri Phillips Years ago, in a lifetime far, far away, I had a lot of problems. I was the quintessential troubled teen. To deal with these problems, I chose to drink, and as you can imagine, it took a very short time for my drinking to become a problem as well.

I don't need to tell any of you that drinking is not really a means of dealing with anything. Drinking is an escape, and I escaped well. My favorite state of consciousness was numb, and I could be found there more often than not. To say the least, I was in serious trouble.

One day, by God's grace, and the forcefulness of a true friend, I realized just how out of control I was. After realizing how hopeless and helpless I was, I literally fell to my knees begging God for help. I remember saying, "I can't stop this. If you don't help me, I'm going to die. You are all I have left." By incredible grace and power, the Lord delivered me from alcoholism right then and there. I no longer physically wanted or needed a drink.

As of this moment, I have not had a drink in over thirteen years.

Thankfully, the Lord graciously led me through the problems I was facing, lifted me out of an emotional and mental hell, and set me free. I have come a long way in the past thirteen years.

Sometimes, though, I get hit with an onslaught of problems or the Lord is digging around in the "this really needs refining" pile, and I get overwhelmed with pressures and pain. I feel like there are days when getting out of bed to go the bathroom is about all I can accomplish. When things get that intense, I want to go back to numb. The temptation for a drink or two or a case comes creeping up into my mind, and numb looks really good.

Lately numb looks good. My mind feels like a war zone, and my sanity is at stake. My emotions are living on an overactive fault line, and I have no way of articulating the barrage of issues hitting me or the pain and frustration resulting from them.

Now, my mature side tells me that this is only temporary, that this is a hellish response to a new ministry the Lord is letting me participate in and a few other fun ministry opportunities that have been introduced. The mature side says this is nothing, and in fact, it should be expected. Then there is this other side that responds, "I don't care. I hate this, and I want numb!" So, now I have outside pressures, inside chaos, and a war going on between my selves to boot.

After the turmoil of the day finally fizzled out today, I lay on my bed and prayed.

"I can't do this. I'm tired, and I can't do it anymore. You've got to help me because I'm ready to throw in the towel. I just can't fight any more. I 'm too tired, and I need to know where to go from here."

I confess I didn't expect an answer, but there is something about honest desperation that seems to put God in high gear.

Even as I was finishing my praying, in my mind I heard, "When you have done everything to stand, stand."

Exactly what do you mean by that? (I wasn't being mouthy. I am just at a point where clear directions are necessary.)

"Just don't lose ground, Jerri. I know you aren't able to move forward, but don't move back. If you can't be completely happy, don't worry. Just don't take a drink. Always remember, if you can't get it all together, just don't let go of what you do have. Just stand there."

Just stand here. I think I can do that.

However, this whole standing thing is rather new to me, so I thought I would see what the Bible says about it, and let me tell you, it's good.

In Exodus 14:13-14 the Israelites find themselves facing a sea on one side while the Egyptians are approaching fast and hard on the other side. Needless to say, the Israelites were feeling tense. Then Moses spoke, and he had a lot to say.

"Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still."

Let's talk about this for a moment. The Israelites were being pursued by the king of the greatest nation in the world at that time. He had warriors and chariots, and I imagine when they came rumbling down the street, the earth shook. Not only were they big and plentiful, the Egyptians were mad. For a year or more, they had been plagued with one horrible thing and then another. Their water had been turned to blood, and they had to go thirsty. They had amphibians coming out their ears. There were all forms of bugs that ate on them and their farms. Their crops were destroyed. Perhaps their whole economy was sent into a tailspin due to the continued attacks on their crops. To top off this supernatural attack, each family in Egypt lost their firstborn son. I think it is safe to say that the Egyptians had one goal as they raced toward the Israelites. The Egyptians were bent on complete annihilation of this "nation" that had caused them so much harm.

The Israelites knew they had no hope against the Egyptians. The Israelites were not armed. They were not trained warriors. They were in big trouble. No, it was worse than that. They were helpless and hopeless.

Are you grasping the seriousness of this situation? For all intensive purposes, the Israelites were dead. All they could do was stand there and wait for the inevitable. Just when they thought the game was over and they had lost, in came God with a splash.

Did you get what Moses said? He said not to fear. In other words, do not get hysterical and do something extreme. Just stay cool and stand where you are. You may not be able to go forward, but don't go back either. Just stand there.

And when you read the verses, did you see who was handling the battle? The Lord was. The Israelites didn't do a thing. God did it all.

Did you see who was doing the delivering? God, that's who.

So, let's break down the job distribution here. My jobs: Don't fear. I don't even have to be courageous as long as I don't give in to fear. And stand firm. In other words, don't give up any ground.

God's jobs: Fight the battle and deliver me.

Just stand there. I think I can do that.

However, there are times when I don't even feel like I can just stand there. I feel like I'm going to topple any second. What then? Romans 14:4 say that the Lord is able to make me stand. Of course, that sounds good, but how do I see it manifested in my life?

Granted, I am still learning in this area, but I have found some guidelines. First, ask. Pray fervently for the empowering of the Holy Spirit to make it possible to stand. Second, don't fear. Don't allow yourself to get so worked up that you are unable to receive the power being given to you. Third, pray again and again and again and again andÉ. When the storm is raging, pray every chance you get. Big prayers, little prayers, one-word prayers. May your supplications always be on your lips. Finally, every hour that you withstand should find you thanking God for His faithfulness. After all, we only stand because He enables us to do so.

Please understand that I was raised in a church that taught we should always be at work for God. It's hard for me to imagine God being terribly impressed by my just standing still. What good does that do? Well, Jesus said by standing firm we will save ourselves (Luke 21:19).

But, Jerri, there is a war on.

Trust me, I am painfully aware. After all, these bombshells are coming from somewhere. The thing is, though, even David, who was a fierce warrior, knew people had to rest. I won't go into the whole story, but check it out in 1 Samuel 30. David told the weak and weary ones to stay in camp, and he gave them an equal share of the plunder.

Sometimes we are easier targets when we are weak and weary. At those times, it's better to just stay in camp. And that is where I find myself, just holding down the fort.

The problems aren't any better, and the pain hasn't lessened. The war still rages around me, but I feel better.

Maybe you know what I mean. If you do, and like me you are waiting to see what mighty acts of God will occur to save you this time, feel free to come wait with me. I'll be standing right here.