You Would if You Loved Me
By Jerri Phillips

Years ago, we knew a couple that were engaged to be married. They had a sort of whirlwind romance, but they seemed quite happy about the upcoming wedding. The bride did all the necessary preparation work. She found the perfect church, searched out the ideal reception hall, and tasted cake until the most heavenly one was found. Her dress was stunning, and her bridesmaids complimented her well. The tuxedos were nothing but the perfect match, and the groomsmen were well suited for the bridesmaids. The overall effect rivaled any wedding from any soap opera ever. Don’t believe me? There are pictures to prove it.

Unfortunately, the pictures show nothing more than a fairy tale wedding. They mask the problems that were hidden underneath the smiles and giggles. The wedding may have been perfect, but the marriage wasn’t.

The problems began before the wedding. The young woman was having serious doubts about “forever”. Instead of talking to the groom-to-be about them, she talked to another man and subsequently ended up in a physical relationship with him. When the groom-to-be found out, he was hurt, angry, stunned, and merciful. He forgave the bride-to-be and promised to never bring it up or throw it in her face. She was ever so grateful, and they were married.

His mercy was genuine. Her sorrow was not. It didn’t take long before she was involved with a man at her work. I have no idea how long the relationship had been going on when her husband found out. Truthfully, in my cynicism, I thought it would be over, but she begged forgiveness, and he gave it.

Again, he was sincere, but she wasn’t. Again, he found out.

I have no idea how many times this scenario happened in their marriage. I only know that each time she was caught she stated how much she loved this merciful man. When the divorce was final, she was still professing her love for the man who forgave her so genuinely. Did she love him? In his words, “Maybe. I don’t know. All I know is she sure didn’t act like it.”

Nope, she didn’t, and sometimes I don’t act like it either. Sometimes I am an incredibly lousy wife. I am griping when Rob walks in the door, and I am still griping when I hear the steady breathing of his sleeping at night. I yell. I get mad over absurd things. I have been known to throw temper tantrums when I don’t get my way. I accuse him of not caring, not helping, not being interested in the poor lowly wife who is imprisoned at home with two cranky kids. I’m telling you, I can be one incredibly lousy wife. The thing is, though, I really love my husband. I want to please him. I want him to be happy that he chose me as a wife. I want him to look forward to coming home instead of dreading it. But you know, sometimes, I really don’t act like it.

Of course, I could just dismiss it with a variety of excuses. The woman’s hormone excuse. The kids are driving me crazy. I’m not getting out enough. I’m tired. I mean, after all I am only human. I get in a bad mood sometimes. Have you ever spent hours with a crying baby? Maybe you’d be in a bad mood too. If your whole life consisted of dirty laundry, dirty floors, and dirty children, perhaps you’d feel a little cooped up, too. There are a myriad of excuses, and I have to confess that I use them on occasion, probably on too often an occasion. Okay, definitely too often.

Am I so unrealistic as to think I’ll always be happy and chipper when Rob walks in the door? Not hardly, but that isn’t the point. The point is: do I continue being a lousy wife, or should I be trying to demonstrate my appreciation and love for him by doing things that a good wife does? And what exactly would that be?

Well, how about starting with being glad to see him instead of handing him a baby and going to hide with a computer? I’ve been known to do that. Nothing said, but still the message was clear. For Rob, spending time watching football or listening to him talk about sports says, “I love you.” Different men have different ways they want their wives to say, “I love you.” Perhaps instead of being so self-absorbed in my own day, I could do some of the things that are special to Rob. Maybe instead of just saying the words, I could actually demonstrate my love for him, or as my friend says, “Act like it.”

Seems pretty elementary, doesn’t it? If you love somebody, you act like it. So, if it is so simple, why do we seem to get the idea that it doesn’t apply to God?

We all know that salvation is by grace that comes through faith that is a gift from God (Ephesians 2:8-10). So, does that mean that everyone who believes there is a God is saved? Not according to James 2:9. The demons believe there is a God, and they shudder. Yikes!!! I don’t know many people who have the kind of reverence for God that would make them shudder. Of course, one could argue that the demons are shuddering because they know God will one day send them to hell. Maybe. All I know is that these demons believe in God, and they are still going to hell. Obviously, there is something more to salvation than just knowing there is a God out there somewhere who is in charge of things, at least sort of in charge, but what is it?

I think the first place to look for an answer is the word “faith”. According to Webster, “faith” can mean “unquestioning belief,” and that is what most of us think of when we think of faith. We know it to be fact. However, Webster goes on to say that “faith” also means “loyalty.” That sheds a different light on things. Suddenly, salvation by an unquestioning belief in becomes salvation by loyalty. That takes a different turn, doesn’ t it? Suddenly, some of the responsibility is put on us.

I looked the word “faith” up to see what it meant in the Greek. I found out that the Greek word most often used for “faith” means “fidelity.” I also took the time to look up some of the favorite “salvation by faith” verses, and in each of them the word for faith is the one that means “fidelity”.

Whether you want to call it fidelity or loyalty, the concept is still the same. Faith requires a commitment on our part. When Rob and I were married, we made vows to be loyal to each other. We consciously chose to put the other person first and walk away from anything that endangered that relationship. When we receive salvation in faith, we are making a commitment to God that we will put Him first and walk away from anything else that endangers that relationship, and in return, He receives us as the Bride of Christ.

Speaking of the Bride of Christ, doesn’t that very phrase tell us something? Personally, as Rob’s bride, I know there is certain conduct expected of me. Other men are out. Period. It doesn’t matter if Rob and I are having problems. It doesn’t matter if I am going through a mid-life crisis. I have committed myself to my husband. I am to behave in a manner that honors him. Have you ever met a woman that acted or spoke in such a way that you wondered how her husband could stand living with her? I don’t want to be that kind of woman. As Rob’s wife, I should be respectful, honorable, and gentle. I could go on and on, but we all understand that in marriage there are certain expectations of conduct. If we think our earthly spouses deserve such honor, what would possess us to think less of the Groom we are preparing ourselves for?

Before you say it, I know all about this human thing. I am way too into it personally, and I am the queen of excuses. I can find an excuse for every spiritual failure I have ever had, and you know what it all boils down to? I am human. Woe is me! Poor pathetic human that I am! I just was so bombarded with being human that I could not be spiritual. The Bible tells us to walk by the Spirit, not by the flesh (Romans 8:1-14). That tells me that my pitiful excuses don’t go far when trying to justify my lousy wife behavior before my Groom.

Again, am I so unrealistic as to think I am above my human frailties? Not remotely. I know my weaknesses as a bride. No one needs to point those out for me. I see them all too clearly when I look in the mirror or begin to recount my day in my journal. I am far from being a perfect bride, but I want to be perfect. I so much want to be.

When I am a lousy wife to Rob, I have to go and ask forgiveness. “I’m sorry for yelling at you. I’m sorry I didn’t pay attention when you were trying to tell me about your day.” I could write a novel of things I have to confess and ask forgiveness for, and I would have to write volumes on the things I have to confess and seek God’s forgiveness for. I am so far from perfect, but I keep sticking in there anyway.

When Rob and I got married, we said, “For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.” In other words, “I’m in for the long haul, come what may.” We were pledging our loyalty to each other. When we put our faith in Christ, we are committing to no less. Our faith is our saying, “I may not understand it all. I may not like it all. It may get rough. It may not always be fun, but I am going to stick with you, come what may. I’m going to trust you through the good times and the bad, when I have money to pay the bills and when I don’t, when I feel good and when I don’t think I can get out of bed. No matter what, I’m going to still love you, and I am going to remain loyal.”

For a long time I had the attitude that if I sinned, God would be forgive me. He had to because He said He would. It didn’t matter what I did, God had given His word, and He can’t lie. I believe Rob could forgive me for anything, but I don’t trounce his mercy just because it is there. I would never want to risk his trust by becoming involved with another man, even if Rob would forgive me. So why is that I find myself tempted to do that to God? If I truly love Him, shouldn't I show Him my love through my faithfulness instead of abusing the love He gives me?

Jesus said there will be fruits, or clear indications, that we love God. If we truly love God, we will want to honor Him. We will want to speak and act in ways that bring glory to Him. We’ll quit finding excuses to be lousy brides and start asking Him for ways to show our love for Him. And the Bible says that if we truly love God, we’ll obey His commands (1 John 5:2). That means we’ll quit finding excuses to do what we want and become concerned with how to do what He wants. More than anything, we’ll want Him to be glad to be our Groom.

Of course, it is easy to say we want God more than anything. I hear lots of people say it, but that won’t help them at all when they face eternity. As the Bible says, salvation comes through faith. It’s not enough to say you have faith in God. You have to act like it.