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It’s
Positively Beautiful
By Jerri Phillips
Even as I write this, the only thing
keeping my eyes open is sheer
determination. Frankly, I’m
exhausted. Actually, both Rob and I are
exhausted. Our son isn’t sleeping
well right now, and neither are we.
In Ecclesiastes, we are told there is a
season for everything under the sun
(Ecclesiastes 3). Presently, in our home,
it is a season for teething. Two teeth
came in last week, and mushy gums give
evidence that another tooth will arrive
soon.
As I said, we are exhausted. Between the
gum pain and the rolling stomach, Robert
is having a rough time, and so are we.
On average, Rob and I are getting five to
six hours of sleep in any given
twenty-four hour period. Rob handles it
better than I do. I’ve had a
constant headache for nearly two weeks.
There is a twitch in one of my eyes, and
my concentration is just about gone. If
you have ever undergone extended sleep
deprivation, you probably have a good
idea of what I am talking about.
While the sleep deprivation is tough,
that isn’t all that is wearing on
me. The constant fussing and whining are
wearing on my nerves. I have had
toothaches, and I have compassion on this
poor little guy who shrieks in pain, but
still, the crying, screaming, and whining
reverberate through my already throbbing
head. Sometimes the only thing that keeps
me from crying with him is the reality
that the subsequent congestion will only
cause my head to hurt worse.
This is a tough season.
But, you know, there are some really
great things about this season. For
instance, Robert is pulling up well, and
he beams with pride as he stands holding
on to his latest conquest. I really enjoy
watching him crawl on his hands and feet
because he doesn’t like his knees
hurting. Oh! And I love when he takes his
little hands and places them on my
cheeks. Then he pulls my face to his, and
he gives me a big, sloppy, wet kiss. I
just love that!
Yep, this is an awesome season.
But, Jerri, you just said… Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. I know what I said. And it is
a tough season, but it is also
incredible. Isn’t it funny how most
seasons of life are like that? There are
things we really like and things that we
really hate. I have found that most
seasons bring good and bad, and for the
most part, any given season is defined by
what we focus on during that season.
In the book of Philippians, Paul tells us
to think on the good things in the world.
“Finally, brothers, whatever is
true, whatever is noble, whatever is
right, whatever is pure, whatever is
lovely, whatever is admirable--if
anything is excellent or
praiseworthy--think about such things
(4:8).” Now, I am not suggesting
that certain seasons lend themselves to
focusing on the positive. You may ask
what one can find that is positive about
one’s spouse committing adultery?
Maybe you are one of the people who have
lost a precious child, and you want to
know on what marvelous thing would I
suggest you focus. I have to confess, I
have never endured such horrifying
circumstances, and anything I say to you
would be cliché in comparison to your
pain. All I know is we are told to give
thanks in everything (1 Thessalonians
5:18) and to focus on the positive.
Perhaps there isn’t anything
positive in a given situation. However,
maybe you can find something in the
peripheral of the circumstance. For
instance, a couple we know lost a baby
last year. As though that were not
difficult enough, the situation required
their choosing to remove the baby from
life support. A few weeks after the
funeral, the mom shared a challenge I
doubt I will ever forget. She said that
losing her daughter so quickly after she
had been so completely healthy made her
realize that we never know when death
will come, and as ambassadors for Christ,
we must realize that our neighbor who has
not accepted Christ as Savior might die
tomorrow or tonight or in five minutes.
We should never assume that tomorrow or
next week will be a better time to talk
to a person about salvation and Christ
because the lost person we can minister
to may not have that time left here.
Eternity took on a whole new perspective
for that mom and so has evangelism. That
mom is taking a heartbreaking situation
and focusing on the positive. Now, to be
honest, I don’t know that I would
have that kind of fortitude, but she
does, and I have great admiration for
her.
Sometimes there is simply nothing
positive to be found in the circumstance
at all. The death of a lost loved one or
adultery leaves a lot of hurt and a lot
of questions. They leave very little
positive to focus on. In such situations,
it may help to try to step out of the
immediate environment of pain in order to
find something uplifting and good. For
instance, sometimes it helps to focus on
what typically brings joy, even though at
that particular moment you may feel the
grief is unbearable.
As I have shared before, I struggled with
a lot of problems as a teenager. One of
the problems I endured was depression.
When I was trying to overcome it, I kept
a “Good Thing” journal, and
every day I made myself write down five
good things that happened that day.
Sometimes that was a stretch for me. One
of my entries included not having to stop
at a red light at a particular
intersection that always seemed to have a
red light. One entry included a trip to a
fast food place, and the good thing was
that my soda had very little ice and a
lot of soda. Wonder how I remember these?
I still have the journal. No kidding.
Now, granted, my depression was not
severe. There are people suffering with
severe depression and simply
“thinking happy thoughts” will
not bring those people out of it. If you
fall into that category, please get help.
Find a counselor who has a strong
biblical background. I personally believe
that healing of the spirit and mind is
necessary for wholeness. If you are
worried about what others may think, try
very hard to set that aside and get
yourself healthy. God will deal with any
judgmental hearts.
Having said that, I am not naïve enough
to think that simply thinking happy
thoughts will make anyone happy, no
matter how mild their
“depression” is. Every one of
us endures grief, and every one of us has
to work through the grief. Thinking on
positive things does not exclude us from
the grieving process or erase the
frustration of an ongoing struggle.
However, when we turn our minds to
wonderful and beautiful things, the grief
is made bearable and the frustration is
tolerable. Thinking on the good may not
be a complete escape, but it gives a
reprieve from what can be overwhelming
burden.
Today, I spoke with a precious friend who
is enduring yet another loss of a family
member. This has been a painful year for
her and her husband. In January, they
lost a very dear family friend. Later,
the husband’s mother died. Last
month, he lost a sibling, and last week,
his other sibling passed away. Now, those
are a lot of losses in one year, and when
I was voicing my concern about this dear
couple, the woman said, “But we have
to remember, we got another grandson in
the middle of all this, and that was
wonderful.” Wow. Talk about focusing
on the positive.
I am not pretending it is easy to get
past anguish and grief or even to put on
a happy face. Loss is a very real
emotion. Sadness, loneliness, and so
forth are very real, and I am not trying
to belittle their depth or severity.
Sometimes pain is so overwhelming or
continues so long that we may feel that
there is no way past it. However, the
Bible says the joy of the Lord is our
strength (Nehemiah 8:10).
In this strange season, there are some
incredible spring plants flowering like
crazy in our backyard. Huge red blooms
with a delightful scent can be found in
one corner of the yard. I find myself
looking out the window at them and
smiling. It isn’t their season
either, but you’d never guess.
It’ s almost as though they are
defying the seasons, the drought, and all
of nature and having a great time doing
it. According to the gardener’s
books, this is a rough season for them,
but they are as beautiful as ever.
I have a lot to learn from those flowers.
It’s often very hard for me to be at
my best when I am “out of
season”, and yet, there is this part
of me, this defiant little part of me,
that says, “Let’s give them all
something to look at. They expect us to
be plain and ‘dormant’ right
now. Instead, let’ s show off.
Let’s put on our brightest colors,
and our best smile, and have a good time
anyway.” And you know, I’m just
the type to do that. So if you see me
pushing my double-stroller up the street
and all three of us are dressed in bright
red, feel free to don something red and
join us. We’ll have a beautiful
time.
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