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I Would Never Forget
By Jerri Phillips

This morning Rob did something incredibly unusual. He left for work without giving me a kiss. Now, I realize that I am spoiled with an incredibly mushy kind of husband, and I know he was trying to let me go back to sleep after Robert had had me up since 5:00, but still… he left without kissing me goodbye. I lay there wondering what in the world had stolen this man’s brain. He always kisses me when he leaves in the morning. He kisses me and prays over the children and me, and then he leaves. Whether I am awake or asleep doesn’t matter. I can count on that kiss every morning, and I do. It’s just that this morning I found out exactly how much I count on it, and it is a lot.

Now, I realize that a goodbye kiss seems like a small thing, but my feelings were deeply hurt. He just never leaves without kissing me, and I was upset that he would be so focused on something else that he would forget something so important. As I lay there wondering what to do, you know, to subtly or not so subtly let him know that he forgot, I thought about different things. I thought about calling and leaving a kiss on his voice mail at work, so he could get it when he arrived at his office. I even thought of e-mailing him a kiss. I figured that surely he would realize that he had forgotten, and then he would be as disappointed as I was, at which time he would need me to forward him a kiss.

Then the neatest thing happened. My front door opened, and my hubby came back in. Obviously, he remembered. I was actually elated. I have no idea how far he had made it on the way to work, but it was quite the turn around trip because he had been gone nearly thirty minutes. It only made me feel more loved that he would remember that he had forgotten to kiss me and return home to correct the situation. I met him at the door, ready to kiss him and send him on his way.

At this point, I’m feeling all nice and mushy and really loved until I realize that Rob wasn’t expecting me to meet him in our still dark living room, and consequently, I scared him half out of his wits. Then I realized something else. He wasn’t dressed for work. He was dressed in a black jogging suit.

“Jerri, why are you up?”

“I thought you had forgotten to kiss me goodbye, and you were coming back just for that.” Okay, my distress was obvious in my voice, and I may have bordered on whiny. I wasn’t trying to twist his emotions, but I was seriously distraught. “Why are you dressed like that?”

Rob was chuckling. “I went jogging. I need to lose the rest of this weight, so I went jogging.” He hugged me and said, “Jerri B, I would never forget to kiss you goodbye. I always kiss you when I leave. It’s what I do. I’d never forget that cause you’re my Jerri B.”

Maybe I should have felt like a heel for questioning his memory, but I didn’t. I just felt really loved, and I went back to bed happily. I sort of dozed as he did his morning routine and prepared for work, and before he left, he kissed me and whispered that he loved me, just like always. Of course, he would never forget. What was I thinking?

Sometimes I am hurt when I think God has forgotten to tell me that He loves me. Do you know what I mean?

There are times when I pray and seek the Lord only to hear nothing, or even more frustrating, the problems only get worse. There are few things more defeating than praying for a breakthrough only to see more things breaking around me. It’s at those times that I wonder if God has forgotten me.

And then I have to get out the old self-abasement whip. Maybe I have committed some unknown sin or something, and it is keeping me from God. Maybe God is mad and isn’t speaking to me. Maybe… oh, my gosh! Maybe He has given up on me and will never listen to me again!!! What if I have committed the unpardonable sin, and it’s all over and I can never win His favor again? Ever spent some time reeling from that one?

Then I have to beat myself up about not being perfect enough. God is so perfect. The sight of imperfect me probably makes Him recoil in disgust. And you know what all this mental and emotional abuse stems from? I think God has forgotten. I think He has forgotten to answer my prayer. I think He has forgotten to listen. I think… I think He has forgotten to express His love for me, or worse. I think He has forgotten that He loves me at all.

Talk about stuff that will make you lose some sleep and feel sad and wounded. Feeling forgotten by God will do it for you.

Well, I have some awesome news. God hasn’t forgotten. Let me tell you how I know.

First, let’s start with the basics. The Bible is ultimate truth, right? Now, this is really important because if you don’t know for sure that the Bible is absolute truth, you’ll still struggle with the rest of this. (Lord God, increase all of our faith to believe Your ultimate truth!) As I have quoted so many times before, God cannot lie (Hebrews 6:18). The Bible is the divinely inspired word of God (2 Timothy 3:16). Therefore, I think we can assume the Bible is complete fact, without falsehood.

Since that is established, let me tell you what the Bible says about calling on God. I am going to include the text of each verse because if you are like me, you won’t look them up right now. You’ll think, “I’ll do it when I ’m not tired or when it’s more convenient,” and that point in time never comes. Let me save you the trouble. Oh, and don’t do like I did for a long time. Don’t skim these and think you get the gist and that is enough. It isn’t. The Bible says that man cannot believe unless he hears (Romans 10:14). If you ever think that God has left you or isn’t listening, then you need to believe otherwise, and you will never do that unless you read the scriptures. Trust me. I’ve skipped scripture in devotionals and lessons too many times to count, and I missed a lot, so stick with me, and read the verses, okay?

Psalm 50:14-15 “Sacrifice thank offerings to God, fulfill your vows to the Most High, 15 and call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me.”

Psalm 17:6 “I call on you, O God, for you will answer me; give ear to me and hear my prayer.”

Psalm 91:14-16 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. 15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. 16 With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."

Psalm 120:1 “I call on the LORD in my distress, and he answers me.”

Psalm 145:18-19 “The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. 19 He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.”

Isaiah 55:6 “Seek the LORD while he may be found; call on him while he is near. 7 Let the wicked forsake his way and the evil man his thoughts. Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him, and to our God, for he will freely pardon. “

Jeremiah 29:11-13 “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

Do you see the theme here? Do you see what gets God’s attention and gets a response? Calling on Him! Nothing fancy. Nothing frilly. God says that if we will call, He will answer. He says that if we confess, He is faithful to forgive us our sins (1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”)

What about secret sin? Well, Jeremiah 11:7-14 has something to say about that issue. “From the time I brought your forefathers up from Egypt until today, I warned them again and again, saying, "Obey me." 8 But they did not listen or pay attention; instead, they followed the stubbornness of their evil hearts. So I brought on them all the curses of the covenant I had commanded them to follow but that they did not keep.'" 9 Then the LORD said to me, "There is a conspiracy among the people of Judah and those who live in Jerusalem. 10 They have returned to the sins of their forefathers, who refused to listen to my words. They have followed other gods to serve them. Both the house of Israel and the house of Judah have broken the covenant I made with their forefathers. 11 Therefore this is what the LORD says: `I will bring on them a disaster they cannot escape. Although they cry out to me, I will not listen to them. 12 The towns of Judah and the people of Jerusalem will go and cry out to the gods to whom they burn incense, but they will not help them at all when disaster strikes. 13 You have as many gods as you have towns, O Judah; and the altars you have set up to burn incense to that shameful god Baal are as many as the streets of Jerusalem.' 14 "Do not pray for this people nor offer any plea or petition for them, because I will not listen when they call to me in the time of their distress.”

It’s pretty blunt. God refused to help when these people called on Him. Why? Because they refused to let Him be God. These people had no intention of serving Him. He was an afterthought, nothing more. It was more than the fact that these people did not call on Him until there was nothing left. Lots of us have been there and found God anxiously awaiting our call. These people consciously turned their backs on God with no sense of remorse. They were hardhearted and stubborn. There was no humility in them, and they did not seek God or His forgiveness; they sought an out, someone to bail them out so they could continue their wickedness. God will not enable such people in their quest for greater wickedness without consequence.

So how do you know if you’ve reached that point? Well, it is sort of like the unpardonable sin. If you really have committed the unpardonable sin, you don’t care. That is why it is unpardonable. Our refusal to humble ourselves and receive forgiveness is the only thing God cannot pardon. The Bible says that if we confess our sin (notice there are no disclaimers made by God found in that verse), He will (undeniably) forgive us. We only reach a point beyond forgiveness when we choose to go there.

As for the idea that our imperfections make us appalling to God, take a good look at 1 John. I love this book, no pun intended. If you ever wonder if God really loves you or what it means to serve Him, you can find your answers in 1 John. Specifically, 1 John 4:9-10 says, “This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” See it? Do you see the order here? God loved us first. Next, He sent His Son. Then Jesus was an atoning sacrifice for our sins, which affords us the righteous God desires. Do you see what happened first though? GOD LOVED US!!!! (Yes, I know what capitals and exclamation marks mean. I’d even make the font bigger if it would transfer through the email.) God loved us first. Before there was any action to perfect us, before we had any means of righteousness, while the law still proved us guilty and filthy, GOD LOVED US!!!!!

Okay, so if God really loves me and He answers when I call to Him, then why does He appear to forget me sometimes? Well, I think there are two things. First, we don’t always know what he is doing. Rob always kisses me before he goes to work, but he doesn’t always kiss me before he goes outside to work in the yard. This morning, I had no idea he was going for a jog, so I assumed he was going to work. Sometimes I assume God is doing one thing when He is really doing something else.

That leads us to the second thing. I have no idea why I thought Rob would go to work without kissing me goodbye first. He never does. He is so faithful to kiss me and pray. He’s done it for years, and when I had to leave for work before he got up, I did it for him as well. That is just what we do. What ever made me question His commitment and character? When I have no idea what God is doing, and I am waiting for Him to tell me He loves me or acknowledge me in some affectionate or affirming way, I have to look at His track record. He has always been faithful. Even at times when He seemed silent, He hadn’t left me. He was just working quietly, or instead of telling me He loved me with a booming voice, He was whispering in a quiet way through loving, confirming words and actions of others, “small” prayers that were answered, and so on. God has never stopped loving me or even saying He loved me, what would make me question His commitment now?

Today I was talking to a friend of mine about the feelings of being unloved and unlovable, and she asked what I do to stop the cycle from pulling me down. “I start at the top and repeat everything I know. I know the Bible is truth, and then I start repeating what the Bible says about God’s faithfulness, His love, His hearing my cries, and so on. My emotions may be telling me one thing, but I know the truth, and I’ll keep repeating it until my emotions line up with it. I won’t let go of the truth.”

That is the reason I put in all those verses. Sure, it makes this longer to read, but those verses are the truth, and we all need the truth. Jesus said the truth will set us free (John 8:32). I don’t know about you, but I want to be free of the fear of rejection. I want to be free from the fear of failure and losing God’s love. I want to be free of feeling like God has forgotten me. I am tired of wondering what horrible thing I have done that keeps Him from responding to my prayers or wondering if I have fallen too far or sinned too greatly to be restored. I am tired of that kind of anguish. I want to be free from it.

According to God, I can be, and you can, too. Your freedom is in the truth, and the truth is God’s character does not change. His love does not fail. His mercy cannot be exceeded. His will is for your salvation and wholeness in Him. He wrote you a very long love letter that we call the Bible, and He sent His Son to die for you so you could be reconciled to Him. And He did it all because He loves you, and more than anything He desires for you to know that love in its fullness. As unfathomable as it is, no matter what you do or where you have been, He will never forget His commitment to you. Even in the seeming silence, He will never forget His promises to you, and He doesn’t want you to forget either.